Listen folks, I may only be one day old, and I may not even have a name yet, but I have some serious opinions about life.
What’s hot: Breastfeeding. I could do it all day. Oh, wait – I do it all day. Can’t get enough. I’m pretty awesome at it if I do say so myself.
What’s not: Getting my diaper changed. I hate that so bad. Leave me alone, parentals and nurses – I’m content to sit and marinate in meconium.
Hot: Fuzzy fleece blankets. Swaddle me as tightly as you wish, I love those things.
Not: Scratchy hospital-issue blankets. Come on, other (no doubt inferior) babies have probably peed on those. Sheesh.
Not: That stupid transparent hospital crib you roll me around in. Seriously, you call that a mattress? Sure, a mattress fit for rodents. Just try sticking me in one of those – I’ll have you wishing you were deaf in a matter of seconds.
Hot: Mommy’s chest, Daddy’s chest, or snuggled next to Mommy on her hospital bed. With a fuzzy fleece blanket.
Hot: Having my back or bum patted. Totally relaxes me.
Not: Mommy singing. Just… just… just STOP, Mom. Nice try, though.
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